Let’s Be Friends Again.
If this past year of tumultuous seclusion has taught us anything, it’s how complex we are as individuals. The world over, we stepped back from our constantly vibrating devices and busy routines we’d learned to entrench ourselves in, and for once in modern history,we allowed the soul room to breath. We exchanged looking in the mirror to assess our outfit, for the opportunity to measure the fitness of what’s within.
Personally, I feel more satisfied with my quirks and unique perspectives. I’ve found myself more equipped to process judgment and instill barriers. And in the deepest of rabbit holes, I've learned how to process my own traumas, and how to evaluate that of others,in a way that is fair to their experience, and my own capacity. I realized how MORE communication should be the standard for understanding. Self worth varies of course, but I’d imagine we’ve all had to engage the many separate facets of life that we love,and found ways to express them proudly, as they’re all integral to our composition. Our presentation. Our persona.
While I’m sure that level of excavation has been different for everyone, many of us can say in 2021, we’ve returned anew. Cleansed of our past trend-sgressions (transgressions, lol) and self-centered viewpoints, and perhaps more “one” with the things that matter. Or, if nothing else, we’ve learned to care A LITTLE less about our likes and comments, and more about and the people we see, touch, and feel in real life. That shift in thinking alone is enough to better any person's mental and physical wellness.
As month after month passed in the PCU (pandemic cinematic universe), it became ever more clear how important our solo journey is, but equally, how important it is for us to have communities, networks, tribes… people that love us, and whom we love, that allow space for the presence of our most true selves. We’re meant to be together after all.
But we must know everyone is different. Although we may feel more connected to the universe now and in tune with ourselves—we must remember that everyone has digested this past year differently and we all blossom at different times. While some never stopped braving the outdoors because they have been essential workers (continue to thank them), others have felt imprisoned by their masks, their government, and even their families. Some folks enjoyed a year long vacation, and yet others have struggled to maintain a place to call home at all. And so, as bar stools and basketball courts invite us to return, I urge us all to stay aware of these nuanced experiences as we implement our new selves and search for our tribes once more.
And as we do contemplate reintegrating with the world, allow space to be unsure. Take your time to see how you feel in different spaces. Seek the comfort levels of your folks, without invading their privacy or forcing your opinions on their life. Allow these same opportunities for others, knowing that your encounter with them, may be their first steps into social circles in 365 days.
This past year has stripped us of the casual opportunities to brush shoulders with the people that we became so used to “running into” and “popping up on”. For much of our fast-paced adult lives, we’ve had the luxury of accidentally befriending quality people we’d likely not have met on our own accord, thanks to the affiliations of those who were once passive acquaintances, but whom we grew to refer to as friends. For some, the cycle of new and fascinating people was as frequent as the daily paper. Chance encounters so easily grew into business patterns, or classmates, or summertime lovers, that we expected it with every turn of the season.
From the friend who worked events and firmly touched knuckles and nodded in approval as you proudly pranced in the venue, to the happy hour homies you'd always grab drinks with and share stories of office calamities and ambitious afterthoughts, to the random meet ups with barely anyone you know that turned into a buffet of beautiful people offering you flavors of personality you can taste at your leisure…
One must ask: do these seemingly random opportunities for energy exchange still exist? Will we ever again feel the rush of new people and healthy fun?
The days of casual friendships have been tested, and some may choose never to initiate with strangers again. But whoever your tribe is, wherever you may find them, remember to be patient. Treat yourself kindly, and extend that same kindness to your friends. Take a minute to assess how you’re showing up and the energy that you’re bringing with you. Give people the space (literal and figurative) to feel out the vibes. And most importantly, support your people. Whether it’s an ear to listen or kind words that relate, a friendly challenge to do the things you’ve shared with one another, whether it’s just being present as a familiar face or extending your hands to help… support your people in the same ways we’ve learned to support ourselves in the last year.
Today, I can genuinely say, I’m ready to be friends again. Pass this on to a friend, new or old. They’re probably ready to befriend you too.